FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
