I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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