I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
