I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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