Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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