The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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