I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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