You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
