Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
