i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
