i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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