I accidentally burped into my bong.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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