I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
