He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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