After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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