In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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