Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
handjob tips. give me some.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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