I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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