i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
