just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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