Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
