thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
