So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
