Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
