I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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