if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
