the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
