Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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