I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
