We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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