If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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