He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
