you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
