I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
