Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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