Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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