Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
