i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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