hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
