She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
