I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This house was built for laser tag.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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