awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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