yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you would pick up someone in the library
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
