i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
