Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
