He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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