Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
