I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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