I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
