apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
