Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
