I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He shit in the fireplace
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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