Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
