So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
