Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
